I can’t say for sure that I’ve forgotten but perhaps it’s not about turning my back on all that has happened, the good and the bad, rather it’s the process of falling and standing up again. It may take a while longer for this heart to truly heal but I’m not going to beat myself up for the slow recovery.

It’s all good I always said and I shall sing the same tune over and over. I feel blessed in spite of it all.

Goodbye my friend, this time, I’m truly able to say I’m letting go.

All the best.

I tell myself over and over that I’m ok, that everything will be alright. It’s all good. The most important thing I tell myself every day is that you’re happier this way… so I should be happy too.

What Hurts The Most – Rascal Flatts

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let ‘em out

I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while even though
Goin’ on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m okay
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin’ so much to say
And watchin’ you walk away

And never knowin’
What could’ve been
And not seein’ that lovin’ you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losin’ you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ it
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still harder gettin’ up, gettin’ dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And havin’ so much to say
(Much to say)
And watchin’ you walk away

And never knowin’
What could’ve been
And not seein’ that lovin’ you
Is what I was tryin’ to do, oh
Oh yeah

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin’ so much to say
(To say)
And watchin’ you walk away

And never knowin’
What could’ve been
And not seein’ that lovin’ you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

Not seein’ that lovin’ you
That’s what I was trying to do, ooo

The night our souls collided, your name was forever etched on the walls of my heart.

Always Be My Baby – Mariah Carey/David Cook

We were as one babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine

Now you want to be free
So I’m letting you fly
Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die, no!

You’ll always be a part of me
I’m a part of you indefinitely
Boy don’t you know you can’t escape me
Ooh darling cause you’ll always be my baby
And we’ll linger on
Time can’t erase a feeling this strong
No way you’re never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you’ll always be my baby

I ain’t gonna cry no
And I won’t beg you to stay
If you’re determined to leave boy
I will not stand in your way
But inevitably you’ll be back again
Cause ya know in your heart babe
Our love will never end no

You’ll always be a part of me
I’m part of you indefinitely
Boy don’t you know you can’t escape me
Ooh darling cause you’ll always be my baby
And we’ll linger on
Time can’t erase a feeling this strong
No way you’re never gonna shake me
Ooh darlin cause you’ll always be my baby

I know that you’ll be back boy
When your days and your nights get a little bit colder ooohhh
I know that, you’ll be right back, baby
Oh, baby believe me it’s only a matter of time
Of time

You’ll always be a part of me
I’m part of you indefinitely
Boy don’t you know you can’t escape me
Ooh darlin cause you’ll always be my baby
And we’ll linger on
Time cant erase a feeling this strong
No way you’re never gonna shake me
Ooh darlin cause you’ll always be my baby

You’ll always be a part of me
I’m part of you indefinitely
Boy don’t you know you can’t escape me
Ooh darlin cause you’ll always be my baby
And we’ll linger on (you and I will always be)
Time cant erase a feeling this strong
No way you’re never gonna shake me
Ooh darlin cause you’ll always be my baby

You and I will always be
No way you’re never gonna shake me
No way you’re never gonna shake me
You and I will always be

Just when I thought I am ready to take a forward stride, the first step in walking away, I get washed up in memories of you and I falter. The memory of you still brings a smile to my face.

You’re so far yet you still feel so near. We’re walking apart but why are our footsteps in sync? I see you around the corner when I turn and my soul keeps leading me back to where we were. Why does your silhouette linger ever so prominently? Especially on this date, our special day?

The truth is, I’m falling over and over again. I don’t want these feelings or memories to fade nor do I want to wake.

You are my brightest star and all I really want is you, my immortal beloved.

“Will you ever? I don’t think you will ever fully understand how you’ve touched my life and made me who I am. I don’t think you could ever know just how truly special you are that even on the darkest nights you are my brightest star.” – Erica Jong

Well, I mean I can still appreciate their looks and everything. But that’s about it… no secret fantasies, just a split second of admiration.

Someone is so deeply ingrained in my mind that inevitably I’ll just decide that he is better.

Just last Friday in the office, we were joking about men and and engaged in a lively discussion of what we should be looking for. Well, in the midst of “finding someone rich” etc etc, all I exclaimed was, “I want Mr Bibik Lim. Period”.

Yeah, I’m shameless like that.

Too often the usual group have heard me say “I only have eyes for Mr Bibik”, eliciting some snickers for they were unaccustomed to my lovelorn state.

But now that things are done and dusted, I’m still back where I was.

In other words, I’m fucked. It seems I’ll remain status quo for a while yet in fact.

Ho hum.

My darling, my love, my panda, my mr Bibik, my favourite person in the world and more.

It’s been a very long while since I last saw you and I’ve been thinking about you everyday.

Firstly I must apologise as I probably won’t be as eloquent as I usually am. Penning this is difficult. Amid the various flashbacks and thoughts that are coming across too randomly for me to verbalise in a constructive manner, it means I’m finally accepting reality. But I’m going to bare my soul nevertheless.

I guess you can call this my letter of goodbye cos after writing whatever I have to say, I’m going to fade into obscurity. I’m letting you go.

My heart has not ceased to love you. On the contrary, I miss and love you more. However, as selfish as I’d like to be and want you close, I think you’re happy where you are, chasing your dreams and making your mark in this world.

My heart tells me this is how it should be cos your happiness has always mattered to me. My presence will only hinder you from taking flight. So as hard as it is, I will step away and bring with me all the memories we shared. Though there may not be many, but every moment has been precious to me.

I’ve always thought what we had was surreal, magical, once in a lifetime. Our connection/chemistry was amazing. You are the first person I truly opened myself to and you had everything I had to give.

Yes, I’m crazy about you. Don’t know how or why. I just am.

Whilst I can go on and on about “us”, what I remember and what we’ve shared. I know they are not important anymore.

Remember I said before that I really love hugging you from the back? Actually that’s my cryptic way of telling you that I’ve got your back. That I’ll be there for you. To be the someone you can lean on, through good and bad times. I really wanted to be there.

I do wonder often and ask myself why isn’t what we have worth fighting for. In fact I have thought about it from various angles.

Amid the storm, I found clarity… At the end of the day, you had your priorities and you had to do what was most important.

Yet I’m sorry for not recognising your fears and pushed you too hard due to my own impatience. Oh how you must have been hurt before.

I loved you wisely, crazily, foolishly and deeply. While it is unfortunate and my loss that I can never tell others that you are “tall, handsome, hunky, charming, humorous, witty, intelligent, just like me but 10x worse etc”, I have no regrets. Especially now when I have finally said all I have meant and wanted to say.

So fly, no, soar. Go on and do well, cos I know you will succeed.

I wish you all the love, success and happiness in the world. Please smile often, cos I have always loved your smile. A pity I will no longer be able to see it.

Should you ever feel down and alone, just remember there is someone out there who will hold you close in her heart.

With that said, I’ve reached the end. Take care and thank you.

With all my love, hugs & kisses,
Elizabeth

Your shadow still lingers in the deep recesses of my mind. Often when I’m staring blankly ahead, I see you, smiling.

I’ve inked the thoughts of my head and heart. All that’s left unspoken, I’ll keep them hidden until someday I’m ready to have them exposed.

We’ve had our chance and the circumstance was such that we had to part. You’ve drifted off and soon I shall do the same. Leaving behind the deluge of memories which will slowly fade with time.

Perhaps.

Love is wisdom from the heart.

Today wisdom spoke to me.

When it is right. everything will fall into place. In its own time, in its own place. When that time comes, we will find a way out of the darkness. Insurmountable odds will not daunt us nor will it break our spirits. Cos when we have faith, we can ride out any storm together.

For all it could’ve been, I know I cannot cling on to what is no longer possible.

In the meantime, let me sit here a while, to reminisce and to savour.

As it was meant to be said on the gift but somehow didn’t, all I wanted to tell you was:

“Thank you for the perfect moments. Be Happy. ”

“There’s this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It’s the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me.”
- Gretchen Kemp

When I finally opened my heart, I started learning the lessons I’m meant to be learning.

“Love should be affirmative”, he said, “it should be about acceptance, accepting another person’s flaws but loving him for who he is”.

I listened in wonder and amazement knowing that it was a reminder. It was part of the lesson, to help me get to the answer I sought.

It was a short and simple message yet it made so much sense.

Most times we are often too quick to judge, to want to try to change a person to be who we want them to be, to focus on the negatives which in turn make ourselves miserable.

Seldom do we show appreciation for the positives we see in our partners. We take their efforts for granted. We rant and rave when they can’t seem to fit into the mold we built for them. We kick a fuss when their actions are not how we idealized them to be.

Is this how love is meant to be?

To claim to love yet to make them miserable for their flaws and if we do not succeed, feel miserable ourselves?

Then why be with this person to begin with? We should save ourselves from the trouble and misery…

So I have. I have walked away from misery, from someone who used to always try to make me laugh, but whose flaws I can never accept nor change.

Then I finally found that someone I was willing to love, flaws and all. Yet I had to let him go at the end of the day.

Isn’t life strange?

Now, I can only hope and continue to have faith…

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
– 1 Corinthians 13:13

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy.
Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;
It is not self-seeking, nor easily angered.
It keeps no record of wrongdoing.
It does not delight in evil,
But rejoices in the truth.
It always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres.
There is nothing love cannot face;
There is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance.
In a word, there are three things that last forever:
Faith, hope, and love;
But the greatest of them all is love.
– 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
– Corinthians 13:7-8

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
– Matthew 6:21

I found the one whom my soul loves.
– Song of Solomon 3:4

Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.
– 1 John 3:18

Love is more important than anything else. It is what ties everything completely together.
– Colossians 3:14

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against such things.
– Galatians 5:22-23

Let love be your greatest aim.
– 1 Corinthians 14:1

Everything you do must be done with love.
– 1 Corinthians 16:14

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than wine.
– Song Of Solomon 1:2

Even if I give away everything that I have and sacrifice myself, but have no love, I gain nothing.
– 1 Corinthians 13:3

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.
If one person falls, the other can reach out and help.
But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.
Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm…
– Ecclesiastes 4:9-11

Hate starts quarrels, but love covers every wrong.
– Proverbs 10:12

The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.
– Galatians 5:6

Love and faithfulness keep a king safe; through love his throne is made secure.
– Proverbs 16:9

Love has no desire but to fulfill itself. To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving.
– Kahlil Gibran

We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.
– Tom Robbins