Dearest B,

My darling, my love, my panda, my mr Bibik, my favourite person in the world and more.

It’s been a very long while since I last saw you and I’ve been thinking about you everyday.

Firstly I must apologise as I probably won’t be as eloquent as I usually am. Penning this is difficult. Amid the various flashbacks and thoughts that are coming across too randomly for me to verbalise in a constructive manner, it means I’m finally accepting reality. But I’m going to bare my soul nevertheless.

I guess you can call this my letter of goodbye cos after writing whatever I have to say, I’m going to fade into obscurity. I’m letting you go.

My heart has not ceased to love you. On the contrary, I miss and love you more. However, as selfish as I’d like to be and want you close, I think you’re happy where you are, chasing your dreams and making your mark in this world.

My heart tells me this is how it should be cos your happiness has always mattered to me. My presence will only hinder you from taking flight. So as hard as it is, I will step away and bring with me all the memories we shared. Though there may not be many, but every moment has been precious to me.

I’ve always thought what we had was surreal, magical, once in a lifetime. Our connection/chemistry was amazing. You are the first person I truly opened myself to and you had everything I had to give.

Yes, I’m crazy about you. Don’t know how or why. I just am.

Whilst I can go on and on about “us”, what I remember and what we’ve shared. I know they are not important anymore.

Remember I said before that I really love hugging you from the back? Actually that’s my cryptic way of telling you that I’ve got your back. That I’ll be there for you. To be the someone you can lean on, through good and bad times. I really wanted to be there.

I do wonder often and ask myself why isn’t what we have worth fighting for. In fact I have thought about it from various angles.

Amid the storm, I found clarity… At the end of the day, you had your priorities and you had to do what was most important.

Yet I’m sorry for not recognising your fears and pushed you too hard due to my own impatience. Oh how you must have been hurt before.

I loved you wisely, crazily, foolishly and deeply. While it is unfortunate and my loss that I can never tell others that you are “tall, handsome, hunky, charming, humorous, witty, intelligent, just like me but 10x worse etc”, I have no regrets. Especially now when I have finally said all I have meant and wanted to say.

So fly, no, soar. Go on and do well, cos I know you will succeed.

I wish you all the love, success and happiness in the world. Please smile often, cos I have always loved your smile. A pity I will no longer be able to see it.

Should you ever feel down and alone, just remember there is someone out there who will hold you close in her heart.

With that said, I’ve reached the end. Take care and thank you.

With all my love, hugs & kisses,
Elizabeth