Sometimes fate deals a hand and even before you can react, someone comes along and turns your world upside down. You find yourself falling hard in the most unexpected way, with whom you share the most amazing chemistry and connection.

Sometimes you won’t know how much a person means to you until the person is gone. Then you realise he meant much more than you’ve ever imagined and unknowingly you’ve given him all that you had.

In spite of the aftermath of hurt and pain, it was all worthwhile. Bitter sweet the memories may have been yet what was shared was something that all the money in the world could not have bought.

You are my miracle and I still thank the heavens for you walking into my life.

I still have the two mineral water bottles, souvenirs of the first movies we watched. I have most of your smses saved in a file and I can recall the exchanges that took place… what you said, my responses and how I had felt. I have a calender filled with different colours, red for dates you were overseas, green for days we met.

The first working day of 2009 was the first time you messaged me from out of the blue. We were on each others’ list but we haven’t chatted in years. How strange then that you would randomly message me just because…

I remember the day we met for dinner so you could pick my brain. I almost canceled on you but decided to go ahead anyway but planned to bail out before 9… You came to pick me up from work where you almost got lost… somehow we ended up at Brewerks Kallang having dinner and chatting until 11ish. How comfortable and easily we conversed and bitched even though we had never spoken more than 20 sentences to each other in all those times we knew each other. You were wearing a black polo that night. And I had a wonderful time, thoroughly enjoying myself.

At the expo for the tattoo convention a few days later, you were wearing your white tee, black cap and ray bans. I never told you that you looked good.

You were going overseas and wanted to know if I wanted anything. We are flirting on msn then and I asked if I should be smsing you everyday to tell you how much I missed you. You jokingly replied that I should and so I did, for the first couple of days anyway.

When you came back, you treated me to a 2nd dinner cos you wanted to pick my brain some more. We ended up at Vivo as you wanted to treat me to a movie as well. Instead of a movie, we ended up at DragonFly but not before we headed back east so you could drop off your car. Whilst waiting for you, I looked up at the skies and was amazed. It was the first time I have seen the stars shining so brightly above me like they are all smiling at me. That night you and your friends tried to educate me on five-ten. I remember that moment when you ruffled my hair when you saw how stressed I was…

The first time I gave you a nickname was that cny day at your friend’s place. Your tired puffy eyes from a night of partying prompted me to start calling you panda. Oh how you hated that nick and how I loved to tease you.

When Underworld was out, you excitedly told me how we should catch it and we did. I think you look good with and without spectacles. Then again, I have always been a sucker for men who looked good in spectacles.

We both shared a liking for chive dumplings and I made some for you, the first time I have ever done that for anyone.

Somehow I developed feeling for you and missed you when you weren’t around. That Friday when I drunk-smsed telling you I missed you was the first time I finally found courage to tell you how I felt. You came to pick me up and that night when our lips touched, my soul was released.

Unfortunately I didn’t hear from you for a few days…

People around me were so tired of me sighing and asking for advice. They never imagined how I could be like this. I never thought I could find myself in such a situation either. I must’ve liked you quite a bit.

I remember almost letting go and walking away when you came round again. How could I say no to dinner with you and your friends?

After dinner we hung out, just the both of us, chatting while getting inebriated. It was the second time I saw the stars shone so bright. That night we connected. It was magical…

When I least expected, you revealed your feelings just before you went overseas again and sought to know mine. Though we continued to confuse each other with mixed signals but one thing was for sure, we knew we were treading on thin ice.

I know you tried your best, we both did. All those times you were tired but came out to meet me anyway. I know how apologetic you felt for not spending enough time together. I know the issues we were both dealing with, our own fears and insecurities. But I really thought we could overcome and face them together.

After all, we are similar, our attraction to each other was obvious and we shared the most amazing connection/chemistry, that we were both scared by how in sync we could be at times.

Yet life can be cruel.

But now all I’m left with are the memories we’ve shared…

That night along the street with the lamps casting theirs orange hues on our faces, your expression when you said those three words in response to mine.

Those times you expressed your happiness and the twinkle in your eyes said the same. Your smses or messages telling me about your day or how much you wanted or missed me.

The way you smile which never fails to take my breath away, the sound of your laughter, your voice, your eyes and your back which I loved to hug. Your expressions, the way you walk and your reactions. The way you look when you sleep…

Our tender moments behind closed doors. Your trail of kisses along my shoulder. The feel of your skin against mine. The times we teased each other when we were apart.

I remember them all.

Our time in KL and the road trip to Genting, my bimbotic moments (hey, we got to see the mist). Our funny conversations and evil plots. The way your face lights up when you are excited. Those nights you shared your dreams and plans for the future.

Even those times you were so distant even when you were right next to me… and I was left wondering how I should bridge the chasm between us. Instead I could only watch you drift further and further away.

Perhaps you won’t ever know who I am or how I truly felt.

Perhaps we won’t ever know how perfect or bad things would’ve been if we had allowed our love to blossom.

It doesn’t matter now as we head on and continue our journeys separately.

But I just sometimes wish I can still tell you how much I love and really really miss you. You’re still the one and constantly in my mind.