emotique.net

I never expect myself to be this weak… but it’s almost 8 weeks and counting.

I tell myself over and over that I’m ok, that everything will be alright. It’s all good. The most important thing I tell myself every day is that you’re happier this way… so I should be happy too.

What Hurts The Most – Rascal Flatts

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let ‘em out

I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while even though
Goin’ on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m okay
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin’ so much to say
And watchin’ you walk away

And never knowin’
What could’ve been
And not seein’ that lovin’ you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losin’ you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ it
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The title says it all…

The night our souls collided, your name was forever etched on the walls of my heart.

Always Be My Baby – Mariah Carey/David Cook

We were as one babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine

Now you want to be free
So I’m letting you fly
Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die, no!

You’ll always be a part of me
I’m a part of you indefinitely
Boy don’t you know you can’t escape me
Ooh darling cause you’ll always be my baby
And we’ll linger on
Time can’t erase a feeling this strong
No way you’re never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you’ll always be my baby

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I thought the rivers had run dry. Yet the tears welling up proved otherwise.

Just when I thought I am ready to take a forward stride, the first step in walking away, I get washed up in memories of you and I falter. The memory of you still brings a smile to my face.

You’re so far yet you still feel so near. We’re walking apart but why are our footsteps in sync? I see you around the corner when I turn and my soul keeps leading me back to where we were. Why does your silhouette linger ever so prominently? Especially on this date, our special day?

The truth is, I’m falling over and over again. I don’t want these feelings or memories to fade nor do I want to wake.

You are my brightest star and all I really want is you, my immortal beloved.

“Will you ever? I don’t think you will ever fully understand how you’ve touched my life and made me who I am. I don’t think you could ever know just how truly special you are that even on the darkest nights you are my brightest star.” – Erica Jong

The soul found the halo its been seeking
Drawn by its illuminating brillance
Unfettered and spellbound
It leaped to grasp the light
Alas the radiance dimmed and faded
Plunging day to night
In sorrow the soul recedes
To its resting place
Waving goodbye as reality wakes

I think there is a huge problem when I’m not able to ogle and look at men any more.

Well, I mean I can still appreciate their looks and everything. But that’s about it… no secret fantasies, just a split second of admiration.

Someone is so deeply ingrained in my mind that inevitably I’ll just decide that he is better.

Just last Friday in the office, we were joking about men and and engaged in a lively discussion of what we should be looking for. Well, in the midst of “finding someone rich” etc etc, all I exclaimed was, “I want Mr Bibik Lim. Period”.

Yeah, I’m shameless like that.

Too often the usual group have heard me say “I only have eyes for Mr Bibik”, eliciting some snickers for they were unaccustomed to my lovelorn state.

But now that things are done and dusted, I’m still back where I was.

In other words, I’m fucked. It seems I’ll remain status quo for a while yet in fact.

Ho hum.

Days and weeks spent in deep thoughts, trying to make sense of all that has happened. Minutes continue to crawl and slowly I’m starting to breathe again.

Your shadow still lingers in the deep recesses of my mind. Often when I’m staring blankly ahead, I see you, smiling.

I’ve inked the thoughts of my head and heart. All that’s left unspoken, I’ll keep them hidden until someday I’m ready to have them exposed.

We’ve had our chance and the circumstance was such that we had to part. You’ve drifted off and soon I shall do the same. Leaving behind the deluge of memories which will slowly fade with time.

Perhaps.

Love is wisdom from the heart.

Today wisdom spoke to me.

When it is right. everything will fall into place. In its own time, in its own place. When that time comes, we will find a way out of the darkness. Insurmountable odds will not daunt us nor will it break our spirits. Cos when we have faith, we can ride out any storm together.

For all it could’ve been, I know I cannot cling on to what is no longer possible.

In the meantime, let me sit here a while, to reminisce and to savour.

As it was meant to be said on the gift but somehow didn’t, all I wanted to tell you was:

“Thank you for the perfect moments. Be Happy. ”

“There’s this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It’s the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me.”
- Gretchen Kemp

Sometimes in our quest for answers and to reach the final destination, we forget that it is the knowledge and experience gained from the journey that matters the most.

When I finally opened my heart, I started learning the lessons I’m meant to be learning.

“Love should be affirmative”, he said, “it should be about acceptance, accepting another person’s flaws but loving him for who he is”.

I listened in wonder and amazement knowing that it was a reminder. It was part of the lesson, to help me get to the answer I sought.

It was a short and simple message yet it made so much sense.

Most times we are often too quick to judge, to want to try to change a person to be who we want them to be, to focus on the negatives which in turn make ourselves miserable.

Seldom do we show appreciation for the positives we see in our partners. We take their efforts for granted. We rant and rave when they can’t seem to fit into the mold we built for them. We kick a fuss when their actions are not how we idealized them to be.

Is this how love is meant to be?

To claim to love yet to make them miserable for their flaws and if we do not succeed, feel miserable ourselves?

Then why be with this person to begin with? We should save ourselves from the trouble and misery…

So I have. I have walked away from misery, from someone who used to always try to make me laugh, but whose flaws I can never accept nor change.

Then I finally found that someone I was willing to love, flaws and all. Yet I had to let him go at the end of the day.

Isn’t life strange?

Now, I can only hope and continue to have faith…

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
– 1 Corinthians 13:13

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When you love someone, you gotta learn to let them go…

How sad, how true.

When I Dream About You – Stevie B.

There was a time in my life
When I opened my eyes and there you were,
You were more than a dream,
I could reach out a touch you,
Boy Girl that was long ago.
There are something’s that I guess I’ll never know,
When you love someone
You got to learn to let them go.

When I dream about you,
That’s when everything’s all right,
You’re in my arms
Here next to me, forever.
When I dream about you,
Boy Girl you never go away,
Just close my eyes
Wait for my dreams
Cause I still love, loving you.

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