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Whoa! It’s been that long huh?

I was reading some of my old entries and thinking “did i write that”? Anyway I think I’m finally back from my unintentional hiatus. Working on my other project got me itching to write again.

In the meantime, I only have three words to say, “BABY I’M BACK”!

2009, what can I say?

It’s been a roller coaster year of many changes and lessons learned. There were plenty of laughter and tears, happiness and heartache.

But all in all, it has been most kind to me.

I’ve grown up emotionally and mentally. For that I’m most grateful cos it leaves me poised and ready for the changes that will be coming. The ambitions that will finally take shape in the new year will require an aptitude that I wasn’t equipped with previously. Sure, more changes are required but I’m ready to step up now. I can almost feel the fire burning in my veins – part ambition, part anticipation of greater things to come.

So yes, I’m ready to strut towards 2010 and sashay down life’s path with my game face on and head held high. My future is mine to grasp and I know it’s just going to be great! 2010 is going to be a fantastic year!

I gotta feeling that 2010 is gonna be a great great year! And so it shall…

Happy New Year everyone!

I blame the recent spate of volatile emotions on the flu bug which has been festering in me.

The trip to Saigon didn’t come to fruition due to the painful and costly process of changing the name on the flight ticket. Good thing too as I got progressively worse as the days wore on. I dread to think of how sorry I’ll feel for myself being alone in a foreign land while down with the flu. Not a happy trip I’ll reckon.

Yet, it’s another weekend of trying to coop myself indoors and getting well.

I’m so restless and bored. Sigh.

Sometimes my mind wanders and I’ll recall days long gone.

Childhood memories, carefree days to the stresses of adulthood, all the happy and sad. It occurred to me how long I’ve known certain friends, a stark reminder that years have flown by. Some have married and have families of their own, some have moved to other parts of the world and some are busy living day to day.

It seems just like yesterday that I was walking down the long corridors of Marymount, the days at Springfield labouring over Math and Chinese homework. The long journey to the west for classes at Ngee Ann, idling away time at the Mac tables, rushing last minute work at the labs.

It seems just like yesterday that we were at Paulaner on New Year’s Eve and having a good laugh.

It seems not long ago I had my heart broken many times over but still found the courage to stand upright. All the people who walked in and then out the door only served to make me stronger yet more cynical. Interestingly the one time I wasn’t cynical, I fell the hardest.

Bits and pieces brings back poignant memories only to awash my foolhardy heart with tears. I try to laugh, hard and loud but in the silence which sometimes awaits me, it hits me hard and my eyes water.

I understand the normalcy of separation yet I can’t help but to miss. Sometimes. I can’t help but to regret not taking photos at Genting cos I thought there would always be a next time. Unfortunately that’s not meant to be.

Months has passed and now I have decided to publish the post that was written a while back.

Now I can only long for yesterday, the days when my life was simpler and the days when I could still see that smile.

“Yesterday,
Love was such an easy game to play,
Now I need a place to hide away,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.”
- Yesterday, Beatles

Not long after coming back from Siem Reap, Cambodia, it seem I’ll be embarking on another journey this weekend. Of cos there is another place I’ll be heading to next month. No wonder Derek says I’m “always” traveling.

I can only say, if not now then when?

This weekend is quite an incident since I had originally planned to make this trip 2 months ago but shelved it due to the exorbitant flight prices. Well well, who would’ve thought a bargain would come my way.

Life is indeed funny, no?

I’m finally ready to fulfill all that I’m meant to be. More than ever I’m ready to surge forward in search of my own destiny, even if it means having to forge it with my own bare hands.

I’m willing to stake my all, my life and happiness, just to see it through. I’m not afraid anymore.

You see, it’s the memories of your smiles which propels me forward. They are my strength and as I take forward strides, I’ll remember that warmth from the smile that I loved so…

Be happy. Be very happy and that will be good enough.

I Will Be – Avril Lavigne

There’s nothing I can say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me
All the pain the tears they cry
Still you never said goodbye and now I know how far you’d go
I know I let you down but its not like that now
This time I’ll never let you go

I will be all that you want and get my self together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life I’ll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make every thing okay

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Well, it’s been that long huh? More than 6 months has passed, and if I may say so, in a blur. An arduous journey it was but I’m grateful to be able to have gone through this.

I can’t say for sure that I’ve forgotten but perhaps it’s not about turning my back on all that has happened, the good and the bad, rather it’s the process of falling and standing up again. It may take a while longer for this heart to truly heal but I’m not going to beat myself up for the slow recovery.

It’s all good I always said and I shall sing the same tune over and over. I feel blessed in spite of it all.

Goodbye my friend, this time, I’m truly able to say I’m letting go.

All the best.

Dear Heart,

I know it’s been a painful two months. I understand. I thought we were strong but I guess I was wrong somehow.

We were treading on very thin ice and we fell through the crack somehow. We’ve spent enough days drowning so now its time to swim for the surface.

I know its been a wonderful two months but things change… and most times its not within our grasp. I do not know why, but I believe everything happens for a reason. We just have to believe and continue to have faith.

Remember I said I would protect you? I’m sorry I didn’t. But now we know we can see eye to eye afterall. He has made us realise that we could be in sync.

It’s finally time to let go. We should go on and seek our own happiness now. The world miss our smiles and laughter.

Keep the memories, reminisce when you want to. But please don’t cry, smile, because it was beautiful. it was a miracle and we should be glad it happened. Remember, we tried, but it was just not meant to be.